my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
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