I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
