If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
