even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
