Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
