Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
