Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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