Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
