How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
