of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
