What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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