the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
