I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
