I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
