I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We need to rekindle our bromance
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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