No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
