I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
