Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize