I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
