Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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