I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
