why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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