dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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