If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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