I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
