If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
