I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
