At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
