protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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