Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
