guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
