I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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