i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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