Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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