I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
