Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
