Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize