1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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