you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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