If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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