I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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