i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
