I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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