I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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