His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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