Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
