i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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