This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
