At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
