she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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