the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
