tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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