You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
