I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
