Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize