I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
