I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
