I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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