then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
