i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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