why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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