So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
