She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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