My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
