WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
