I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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