Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
