I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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