No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
