I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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