I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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