why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
