my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
