Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
