Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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