I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
