Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
