Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
