If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
