Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
